Flip Flops vs. Christianity
For the record, I usually don’t write about the crazy things that are said at my work. However, I just couldn’t get this off my mind today, and thought I’d write a response here.
The ladies in the breakroom were going off again. This time on how awful some of the young people in their wards were because…they were wearing flip flops and denim skirts to church. Oh the horror! The vile disrespect!
Okay, snide remarks aside, I recognize that there is a correlation between the way a person dresses and his or her respect for an event. It’s been discussed in conference talks. I know. I wouldn’t wear a swimsuit to the symphony either.
BUT.
Isn’t it hard enough being a teenager without being pecked at by the spinsters in the ward? Is this what we really need to be focusing on? Really? These girls chose to be there, modestly dressed, and listened quietly to the speakers. That, in and of itself, is an accomplishment. I am strongly of the opinion that the youth of the church—especially the teenagers—need their leaders to lead as it says in the scriptures:
“by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, [...] without hypocrisy, and without guile—reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love” (D&C 121:41–43; while this passage was specifically directed to the priesthood, I believe it applies to all who lead in the church).
Focusing entirely on a person’s outward appearance, in my mind, reduces and simplifies him or her to an unacceptable level. Rather than sniping about a person’s footwear, perhaps our time would be better spent developing a friendship with that person. I’m sure we’d all be surprised by what we learned.
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- Rant
4 Responses
It’s an interesting question: what’s worse, wearing flip flops to church or complaining about it? Personally, flip flops at church really do bug me, but yeah, in the bigger picture, I’d rather have them at church in flip flops than not there at all.
But it’s no big secret that it’s discouraged by the church. Elder Holland said in his October 2005 talk, “I make a special appeal regarding how young women might dress for Church services and Sabbath worship. We used to speak of “best dress” or “Sunday dress,” and maybe we should do so again. In any case, from ancient times to modern we have always been invited to present our best selves inside and out when entering the house of the Lord—and a dedicated LDS chapel is a “house of the Lord.” Our clothing or footwear need never be expensive, indeed should not be expensive, but neither should it appear that we are on our way to the beach. ”
So, if one is a youth leader (or a parent, or a complainy lady at Jenn’s office) how do you get them to reach the ideal of being at church in churchier shoes?
Amen and amen! Just never lose sight of that. One thing I love about my mother is that she is the lady in the ward who is BFF with all of the youth. Other mom’s ask he why/how she relates to the kids so well. Honestly, she just reaches out to be their friends, and doesn’t drag them through the mud.
We need more of that, and less of the other.
It’s no secret that I’m more of a laid back kinda guy. I spent two years in a country where flip flops were concidered formal and I loved it. Now I understand that we’re not anywhere near New Cal, and we do need to accomodate ourselves to the standards of where we live… but I honestly never even noticed that girls were wearing flip flops until I heard the talk that Sam mentioned. I think it might be one of those things that should be done, but nitpicking about them is twice as counterproductive. Maybe worry more about what they are doing in their shoes (or flip-flops for this matter) than what shoes they are wearing.
Nate: Hopefully I’ll remember this. It’s weird to start seeing the flip side of things. Also, your mom is great.
Sam: Obviously I think it’s much worse to listen to people complain about it.
As one who really isn’t bothered by flip flops at church (or multiple ear rings or exposed shoulders, for that matter), I think the most effective way for parents or leaders to encourage churchier choices is not to make a huge issue out of it.
Maybe that sounds anticlimactic. But seriously, don’t do it.
When leaders (or parents) make a big issue out of a topic, the danger is that it feels like that’s all they see in you. Reducing a person to a single issue is definitely not an effective way to establish or continue a relationship.
Teach the principles behind the rules. Give a gentle reminder as necessary, but don’t make it the main issue. I fully believe that as people become more acquainted with the spirit, their dress and actions will become more in-line with the teachings of the church.
If fact, for me, the entire issue of dress is more of an expression of faith than anything else. Help build a commitment to the gospel and churchier shoes will follow.