Moving on…

As if I weren’t already dealing with enough questions—what do I do with a baby, how should I handle maternity leave, will we ever decide on a baby name, can we afford to have me stay at home with the baby, etc.—we’ve decided to throw selling our condo into the mix.

This change of course came about so suddenly. One week, I was sewing curtains for the nursery; the next, we were boxing up non-essentials, getting ready to place our home on the market. Since we listed the condo two weeks ago, we’ve had only a handful of phone calls and a single showing. Really, with such limited interest, it didn’t feel like we were actually selling the place—for me, the only tangible difference was living day-to-day with an unsustainable level of cleanliness. (Running late? Too bad—the dishes must be washed, the bed must be made, and the counters must be shined just in case.)

All of that changed yesterday, when we received a last-minute phone call about a surprise showing. Said showing lasted nearly two hours and ended with us receiving a verbal offer. Now, I know there are about a million other things that need to happen before we can sell, but this is the start of the process. Believe it or not, this selling thing is really happening. 

I have such mixed feelings.

On the one hand, I really think this is the “right” move to make at this time. As I look back, I can see how our prayers for guidance on laying a solid foundation for our growing family have been answered a little at time. At its core, selling allows me the freedom to choose to stay at home with my babies, rather than letting the HOA board’s financial decrees decide for me. By selling our condo, we are doing everything we can to stabilize our monthly costs. By living with my parents for a short time after we sell, we are preparing to buy something that is suited to a family rather than a couple. And even though we’ll be selling our condo for a loss, we’ll more than make up for that loss in being able to afford a nicer house than we could in a better market. On paper, the decision to sell couldn’t be more clear.

On the other hand, my heart tells me that this little place is our home. From the moment we bought it during our engagement, we have poured so many daydreams into this place. It really feels like a part of our marriage—all the furnishings, pictures on the walls, and even the contents of the cupboards—in a way, all of these are a physical record of our memories and dreams of building a life together. I still feel like I have so much still to do here—bringing a little baby boy home to his little yellow nursery, celebrating a first Christmas together as a family, spending summer afternoons outside on the playground. These are some of my most tender and happy daydreams, and my heart is having a really hard time imagining them happening elsewhere.

I will dearly miss our little place. I will miss that it only takes 45 minutes to clean from top to bottom. I will miss being able to set the thermostat to whatever temperature we want without it really making much difference to our monthly bill. Most of all, even though it will just be temporary, I will miss having a place to call our own, a place where Ryan and I can be completely at ease, where we can be as silly and as loud as we like, and where we are completely in charge of our own schedules.

Furthermore, the timing isn’t quite what we had expected. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to not have to worry about watching a baby amid all the upcoming packing and unpacking; however, with under two months until this baby comes I am much less physically able to help with the actual moving process. I hate not being able to help. Also, I’m nesting like crazy—but I’m packing up for moving when all I want is to be putting down roots. Hopefully this sale will go smoothly and I’ll be able to have a little time for nesting once we get to mom’s house.

Still, from what I hear, change is inevitable and will lead us off to grander adventures in the future. So, I guess, here’s to new adventures, where ever they may be.