One Talent
Last night, like so many nights at the McDaniel house, I lay awake listening to my two boys softly snoring. Bedtime was some time ago, and they’ve both managed to find sleep, but no matter how I toss and turn, I can’t seem to follow their example. Ryan’s advice in these situations is to just let my mind wander and let sleep find me. So I give it a try and sleep still doesn’t find me.
But the worries do.
Worries of all shapes and sizes, likely and unlikely, start flooding my brain. SIDS. Being T-boned in a left-hand turn. Being bullied in the third grade. Being the bully in the third grade. Bad friends. Bomb threats in school. A national draft for some yet-distant war. Cancer. Earthquakes. Fires. Famines. Anything and everything beyond my direct control.
There, but for the grace of God, go I.
Never before have I had anything as precious to me as my little family. These two boys are the source of the deepest, simplest joy I have ever felt, and it seems almost too fragile to have so much daily happiness wrapped up in two people. I think, in some small way, I finally understand that poor one-talent servant in the parable of the ten talents. My little family is this most precious gift I have ever been given, and it’s unsettling to risk them out in the wild world. Sometimes digging them in the earth (or just holing up with them at home) seems like the only way to keep them safe. (Unless the house collapses on us—quick, what’s safer than a house?)
Does this incessant worrying ever go away? Or is it just another part of parenthood along with changing diapers and soothing tears?
Post your comments
- Ramblings
5 Responses
Here’s a little Chinese Proverb that helps me stop worrying when I can’t help but worry… remember, it’s all going to work out.
*Deep Breath*
If your problem has a solution then why worry about it? If your problem doesn’t have solution then why worry about it? ~ Chinese Proverb
Lol. My brain knows this is good advice. Generally I don’t worry about this kind of stuff during the day, when I’m more sane (and somewhat better rested). It’s the nights that get to me.
I think that it comes with the territory.
A little story. One of my biggest fears (and I have many of the same you listed … and think of them at times too, lol) was getting in a car accident (specifically on the free way actually), with ALL of my kids in the car. Freaked me out. Yeah… almost a year ago, I did get in a car accident, with all 5 kids. Hannah was 3 weeks old. It wasn’t on the free way but I was crossing State Street in Provo, and the person that hit me was going around 50 mph (which was the speed limit). It took me MONTHS to stop feeling horribly guilty for the events that took place leading up to the accident, since it was my fault.
Life will happen. The good, the bad, the hard, the fun, the great. I think being a parent you learn the importance of teaching your kids. Teaching them the gospel, and teaching them how to properly cross the street … and practicing both over and over and over. Teaching them to be kind, and reminding them when you find out they haven’t been. There will be crazy things that happen that are beyond our control (earthquakes, illness, etc) and I think those are the times that we teach faith. We teach prayer, and we hope that we don’t go crazy in the process of it all.
Life with kids is hard. It’s crazy, and it’s stressful when you think too much about it. So let your mind wander, but remember that you and Ryan aren’t alone in being parents. You have friends, and family, and Heavenly Father (especially) to help along the way … especially through the hard and scary stuff.
Whoa, super long, sorry.
I think it’s completely normal, but I can’t promise it will go away. I don’t think it ever goes away, but it stopped keeping me up at night about 3 months post postpartum. Good Luck!
You know full well how much trouble I’ve had with sleep over the last 8 years. Recently I’ve been taking melatonin and it has been an absolute godsend. I just get a chewable over-the-counter kind from Smiths. I know some people who it hasn’t worked for, but I can’t even begin to tell you how well it works for me. You should try it if you haven’t already.