Jenn and I found a new favorite game, which consists of asking what the other person’s favorite this and that is (in case you are wondering Jenn’s favorite color is clear, her favorite food is also clear and her favorite color of water is, surprisingly… clear!) Anyways, the other night, while I was getting dinner ready, Jenn fell asleep. After about 15 minutes I thought I should wake her up so she would be able to edit later on. In order to keep her awake, I thought I would play her favorite game with her. As mentioned before, much to my surprise, when asked who her favorite husband was (I was surprised it wasn’t clear) she said Tebow. I did double check and ask again. She only reaffirmed that he was in fact her favorite husband.

Needless to say, I am no Tebow but second to Tebow is nothing to be ashamed of.

I was amazed—did Ryan really just tend to my needs in his sleep?

I marveled at that as I fell back asleep—what exactly was it that tipped him off? Did he notice I was sleeping on my hands? Did I not notice I was shivering? I concluded that I was just a really lucky girl to have a husband who cares so much for me that he could notice things like this in his sleep.

Well, the morning came and left in a rush, and I didn’t get a chance to ask him about his kindness until we were getting in bed last night. His reply:

Did I really do that? All I remember from last night is realizing I had both corners of the blanket, so I spread it over you hoping you wouldn’t notice I’d stolen the covers. I just didn’t want to get in trouble.

So. Here I am thinking he’s the greatest man alive for taking care of me and he’s really just looking out for number one.

I sure love that man.

To understand the awesome significance of this, let me explain two things. First, when I was single, I used to imagine myself snuggling up against my husband at night and waking up in his arms in the morning. Cuddling at night was among the things I most longed for.

Second, right after the honeymoon, as soon as Ryan and I started sharing my queen-size bed, he made it extremely clear that he needed his s-p-a-c-e and that sleeping next to me was too warm, too restrictive, too terrible to be borne. Not only that, he would wake up several times a night and grump at me for being on his side of the bed—even when I wasn’t. Needless to say, my romantic idea of snuggling all night was quickly replaced by my preference for an agreeable bedfellow. At this point, I’ve become content with a bit of cuddling before bedtime, a good night kiss, and maybe a hand to hold as I fall asleep.

But last night—wow. He fell asleep spooning me and even though my shoulder was tingling, I just lived in the moment until I, too, fell asleep. Throughout the night, while Ryan rolled over and over in his sleep like he always does, his sleepy-self would always snuggle back over to me. Did I get woken up more than normal? Definitely. It was the happiest interrupted sleep I’ve ever had. After only 377 days of marriage, Ryan has fulfilled this longed-for-but-abandoned dream. And it was even better than I had hoped.

I am so lucky.

As an added bonus, both our brains are a bit fried by this point in the day and we (mostly Ryan) end up saying things that (while only mildly funny at any other time)  have us laughing until it hurts. Like yesterday…

Ryan: So how was your day today?

Me: Well, work was miserable, but home is spectacular.

Ryan: That’s the way I like it. [Pause] Wait…

Okay, remember this?

Turns out that was last year. Seriously, where did this year go? It feels like we were married just a little bit ago. Of course, it also feels like we’ve been married forever, which is a really weird dichotomy. But here we are, celebrating our first anniversary. Somehow I don’t quite feel old enough to be using that word—an anniversary still seems like a mom-and-dad thing, when mom would wear her perfume and dad would take her out to dinner. But ready or not, it’s here and I couldn’t be happier.

I can say without hesitation that this year has been the best year of my life.

Sure, he rolls on my hair, can’t stay awake to save his life, and sometimes steals all the covers. He’s an incorrigible tease and a complete goofball. He is also the kindest, funniest, most patient, and most fun-loving man I have ever known.

Each day, he brings me joy. He holds my hand as we go to sleep at night, stretches my back in the morning, and sends me emails and texts throughout the day. He plays with words to hear me laugh. He enjoys my quirks. He kisses me after prayers. He makes the bed in the morning and takes care of the other little things around the house that always escape me.

Really, this year has been charming and filled with dancing in the kitchen, daydreaming about the future, and laughing at silly songs and inside jokes. I have never felt like so much was possible, but I’ve also never been more grounded. Ryan is, in every way, the perfect companion for me and my very best friend.

I am so lucky.

Happy Anniversary, Ryan.

Me: Ryan, remember how you said you’d do that one thing?
Ryan (obviously lying): Yeah, I don’t remember that…
Me: You do too! You said…
Ryan (interrupting): Rar!

What really makes the Rar! is how he’s a normal person one moment and then Rar! and he’s a raptor—complete with gnarled fingers for claws and erratic head bobbing. This continues until I either “agree” with him or change the subject.

Right now I think this is entirely hilarious, but I laugh now knowing it won’t be funny in the future when I tell our three-year old to pick up his toys and he responds with a raptor growl…. Ryan promises he won’t teach this to our kids.

We’ll see.

Ryan: Jenn, I’m so glad we compromise on things. Like milk. We get 1% even though you liked skim milk.
Me: I love skim milk. Did you like 2%?
Ryan: Um… No. I liked 1%.
Me: Yeah, that’s a great compromise.

8:45 - Last night I dreamed that I got a text message from Ryan telling me that he loved me and missed me. When I woke up this morning, I had, in fact, received a text during the night—but it was from my mom in D.C. I guess my brain took the beep from the text and told itself what it wanted to hear. Hey, if this is crazy, I like it.

10:00 – Still can’t decide what to eat for breakfast. Why is it that without Ryan I’m nutrimentally challenged?

10:30 – Ryan’s mom called to check up on me. Which reminds me: I’ve got to go Father’s Day shopping and to Costco this morning to pick up provisions for tomorrow. In fact, I’ve got a ton of errands to run. Which I’m not going to run until after I get this editing done. Which I’m having a hard time focusing on. (Who’s surprised here?)

1:15 – Actually finished all of my edits, which I enjoyed this time. Now the debate: Do I shower and get ready now or do I go SHOPPING! again and shower after that? Oh the difficult choices I have to consider without Ryan filling our schedule with silly things like cleaning and yardwork!

1:45 – Decided to shower and used up approximately 95% of our hot water supply. Decadent. Snuck a few sniffs of Ryan’s body wash, but it didn’t smell nearly as nice in the bottle as it does on him.

2:30 – Leave for more SHOPPING!

2:32 – Return to get necessary addresses.

5:00 – Finished up with SHOPPING! It wasn’t as satisfying of a trip as I would have liked. Still nothing for the walls in that room. But I’ve got more ideas and more fake flowers for the house so I can pretend it gets natural light. Also, went to the Costco in Draper—people were crawling all over that place. Like ants. Little Mormon-mom-haired ants. Decided I did not want to go home to an empty house, so I called Nick and informed him I was coming to visit.

6:30 – Baked muffins for Nick and me. Since mom and dad are out of town, he’s been staying up really late. So it was breakfast for him, dinner for me. I left when he informed me he had to go get ready for the day. Um, don’t you mean evening?

7:30 – Trying to decide: do I go to the gym or do I take care of some things around the house? Right now I’m mostly sleepy and have some awesome chick flicks to watch.

7:56 – HOLY SMOKES! RYAN CAME HOME EARLY!!!! BEST EVENING SURPRISE EVER!

8:07 – Woke up late. Well…actually I woke up right on time but decided to snooze once. Therein was my downfall. Ryan is the alarm manager of the family, and apparently I lack the necessary training in snooze operation. Scrambled to get ready by dumping gallons of baby powder in my hair. Mmm, fresh as a daisy.

11:25 – Made the mistake of listening to Armageddon at work today. OHMYGOSH, the tears. My tears had tears.

3:00 – Find myself still sending Ryan text messages, even though I know there’s no way he’ll get them until he gets out of the canyon. Still, it’s comforting to talk to him like he’s right here with me. And there’s always that long-shot hope that he’ll climb up to the top of a mountain and have cell phone service and maybe, just maybe, turn his phone on and write to me. And, yes, this hope has caused me to be no more than an arm’s length away from my phone all day.

5:01 – Still at work, tweaking the Flash project of frustration, which is actually going rather well today. This is clearly not a normal Friday—it doesn’t feel like a weekend, since I’ll be all alone. Apparently it’s not a weekend without Ryan. And apparently being at work doing something with a purpose was better than being all alone and wandering. (Who knew?) Despite all this, however, I still found myself counting down how long until Ryan would normally be coming home. Oh, brain, what cruel tricks you play on me.

6:00 – Arrived home.  Went to the fridge to find something for dinner. Ended up eating brownies. And wandering. Oh, the wandering!

7:00 – Again tried to think of something for dinner. Again found myself eating brownies. Decided I needed to get out of the house. Time for SHOPPING! (which is really just organized wandering).

8:45 – Returned from SHOPPING! Laid out all of my purchases and admired them for 10 minutes. Although, I couldn’t admire my curtains properly because there was no husband to hold them up for me. Forced to use my imagination.

9:45 – Exercised my willpower and did not eat brownies. Still couldn’t find anything. Ended up eating the same dinner I had last night—except even easier than yesterday because I didn’t have to exude competence in the kitchen. I am so proficient with a microwave.

11:45 – Again, with the puttering and the absentmindedness, it took me over an hour to get to bed. And again, without Ryan here as an independent heat source, I am still not ready for sleep. Even though it’s June, I think I have no choice but to turn on the electric blanket tonight. Rearranged the throw pillows in a Ryan-like form—I’m hoping that if I cuddle up with my back to them and use my imagination again, I’ll be able to get to sleep before 2am. At least there haven’t been any evil bug sightings tonight. That works in favor of a decent bedtime at least.

5:00 – Ryan came home from work and we spent the next little bit getting everything ready to send him off. Everything was extra tender. It’s funny, but the things I’ll miss the very most are my daily luxuries—feeling his hand sliding into mine and getting to breathe him in when he hugs me. I got teary when we talked about saying goodbye. I know he’s not dying, but this will be the longest I’ve gone without talking to him in over two years.

5:40 – Took Ryan to Herget’s house to meet up with the backpacking crew. It was nice to be able to see him off and hear a little about their non-existant plans. (Since Four Lakes Basin was covered in three feet of snow, the boys had to make some last-minute adjustments to their plans. And by “adjustments” I mean “make new plans entirely.”) The boys all seemed to have some pretty good gear, plus, Brent had his gun and Herget had his scary-ass knife so I felt a little less worried about Ryan getting eaten by a bear. And Brent promised not to shoot Ryan, so my husband is as safe as I can make him. I loaded him up and kissed him goodbye. I did not cry one tear. Because I am amazingly tough.

6:00 – Came home and wandered aimlessly. If I were older, doctors would have assumed I belonged in an Alzheimer’s ward.

6:30 – Megan came over (yay), so I had to stop wandering. Probably that was a good thing.

11:00 – Megan went home. That’s right, I played until 11 o’clock on a work night. I’m that cool. We made dinner, chatted, and pretended to edit, but really we just feasted on brownies and Mr. Darcy. Fantastic evening.

11:05 – Returned to wandering aimlessly. Puttered. Also, I saw a huge creepy bug, but no one was around to kill it and I didn’t dare get close to it. This is going to be a major problem, especially when it creates an army of creepy baby bugs and they mount a full-scale attack on me in my sleep.

12:00 – Turned down the bed and found a little note Ryan had written me on a half-sheet of notebook paper. Remembered how much I miss him. Tried to console myself by taking up the entire bed. Mmm, leg room and a million pillows.

1:00 - Since there was no one to put my cold feet on, I couldn’t fall asleep. Because everyone knows it’s impossible to fall asleep with cold feet. Used the laptop to warm up the bed next to me. Will now proceed to cuddle up to the warmth. I’m so tricky!

Update: As soon as I turned off the light to go to sleep, I WAS ATTACKED BY THE HUGE CREEPY BUG. It flew and hit me in the head and then went straight for my ear. I reacted as any sane person would do—throwing pillows and doing enough flailing to knock the laptop off of the bed. The laptop lived. The bug was not so lucky. I am happy to report my pillow throwing abilities annihilated the offending bug. Of course, the ensuing adrenaline rush made it basically impossible for me to get to sleep until 2:00 am. But I still beat the bug.