I guess it’s kind of like being a detective. You take your clues (in my case, a 102° fever, tonsils slightly smaller than golf balls, throat gunk and soreness, dehydration, nausea and vomiting, and an aching everything), apply what you know (which, in some cases, wasn’t much), and pronounce a treatment.

And it was so much fun that I decided to take some PTO days from my honeymoon so that I could do it all again. And boy, what a good decision that was. Because who doesn’t love spending entire days prostrate before the toilet, watching the Olympics on the TV that your gracious fiance moved to the bathroom doorway to keep you company?

By the end of everything, I’ve had at least six nurses, five ask-a-nurse phone calls, four prescriptions, three physicians, three big-ass insurance bills, two urgent care visits, two blood tests, one hospital visit, one catheter, one IV, and zero diagnosis. But hey, if you’re cured, it doesn’t really matter what was wrong… Right?

And all of these physical adventures wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t concurrently experiencing a mental health yo-yo. Regardless of the stress that comes from getting engaged, planning a wedding, and buying a house, this is truly among the happiest times of my life. (It’s okay if you want to gag a little. The corner of my mind that’s still “single-Jenn” wants to.) However, from the moment I started my birth control regimen, I started feeling increasingly flat, teary, unhappy, unmotivated, and, above all, unlovable. (I know some of you may be like, “Wait, Jenn! You’ve complained of feeling this way so many times before. What separates this from your normal?” Well let me tell you.) These feelings continued everyday without letting up until I went on the sugar pills. Then it was like everything reverted back to normal. I was happier than I’d been all month. So I tried a different kind of pill. It was even worse. I’d cry for hours about everyday things like, say, getting out of bed or cooking dinner. Needless to say that pill lasted four days. And, again, 24-hours after taking the pill, I felt like I was getting back to normal. I’m now on my third concoction of hormones and the effects are the same, though reduced from what they were before.

This is, from the anecdotes I gather, not an uncommon phenomenon. From what my doctor told me, it has to do with the hormone progesterone and its clever capabilities as a serotonin inhibitor. (Which, since progesterone is produced in higher amounts around the time a girl starts her period, goes a long way in explaining why girls get PMS.)

However, regardless of how common this problem may be, no matter how creatively I googled, all I found were message boards upon message boards of girls sharing the same experiences I’ve had. No useful WebMD information. No studies in scientific journals. Nothing professional or “internet reliable.” This is the most scholarly, well researched article I came up with. Almost 50 years of hormonal birth control and almost nothing has been done to treat this very common side effect.

This floors me. If my airway was blocked, surely that would be considered worthy of medical attention. So why is having my serotonin receptors blocked any different?

Moral of the story: avoid both bacteria and boys, thereby allowing you to sidestep all of the above medical dilemmas. Easy cheesy.

It’s funny how time changes things. Going back and reading everything…it made me smile. Time had mostly erased the self-consciousness I’d had about what I’d written. Then, I went through and read the dozens of half-written blog posts that I didn’t consider quite good enough for publication. In retrospect, they seem kind of sweet.

And there’s a part of me that can’t shake the idea that maybe this is representative of how I handle my entire life…intensely critical of myself in the moment and much more forgiving thereafter.

I’m suppressing the urge to apologize for this. I’m sure in a month I’ll be just fine with that.

It’s true, though. I really am baking cookies for a funeral home! I was being honest! How do you convince someone of this?

Dumbledore’s gay. There, I’ve said it. Is your world radically different than it was a minute ago? Neither is mine.

Before discussing the matter further, here are some quick answers to most of the questions I’ve received throughout this week. My basic thoughts come down to:

1. Yes, I was initially surprised.
2. No, it doesn’t really bother me.
3. No, I don’t think it’ll have any long-lasting effects on the overall popularity or legacy of the book.
4. Yes, I think it’s okay for Rowling to “make him be gay.” They’re her characters, for heaven’s sake, she’s ultimately in control, and we’re just lucky she’s shared them with us.
5. No, it doesn’t change how I feel about the books. I like them as much as I always have.
6. No, I don’t think she waited until after book 7 to “out him” for any monetary reasons. (Nor do I think that any cowardice on her part caused her to hold her tongue until after its release.)
7. No, it doesn’t change my perspective of the Dumbledore-Harry relationship. (Nor any relationship Dumbledore had with any of his other students, for that matter. For heaven’s sake! He’s gay, not a pedophile or sexual predator.)
8. No, if you look through the book, I don’t think you’ll find any gay undertones. (So consequently, I don’t think it will have any effect on the kids who read it. I definitely don’t think it will “make them gay.”)
9. No, I don’t think she’s pushing any “gay agenda.”
10. Yes, I really am sick of hearing people be upset about it.

(Note, if you’re unsatisfied with my brief responses, let me simply echo the words of a more in-depth Mugglenet editorial. Amen, brother.)

The response to this press report uncovers a lot of fascinating issues in our twenty-first-century public consciousness, including the nature of character creation, author ownership of characters, religion, prejudice, age-appropriate themes in literature, morality, and (obviously) the way we deal—publicly and privately—with the issue of sexuality.

She was asked a direct question at an event. Why shouldn’t we expect her to answer it honestly?

(Incidentally, the premise of honesty here is based on the idea that, while authors may be the ultimate “creator” of a character, in many cases the characters become persons in their own right that can, at times, develop in ways that surprise their creators. This is a perspective Rowling herself has expressed. Knowing this, I am convinced that Dumbledore’s sexuality was one of those developments.)

So, getting back to the question, why are people unhappy with Rowling’s full and honest answer? Because it doesn’t align with our values? Because we’re uncomfortable with the topic? Because it’s not something we want to hear? Ultimately, the answer to this question reveals some form of prejudice. While we may not support homosexuality, it is downright silly of us to pretend that it isn’t a real issue in our twenty-first-century consciousness; the homosexual segment of the population is a real section of our society, and they deserve to be treated with humanity and kindness.

The golden rule still applies, regardless of one’s sexuality.

Furthermore, to those who claim that a discussion of sexuality has no place in a children’s book, let me point out that there is, in fact, no discussion of Dumbledore’s sexuality inside any of the Harry Potter books. However, to address the topic, I agree that elementary school students are too young to fully understand the implications of homosexuality. Nevertheless, children are never too young to be taught to recognize the good in others. What harm could possibly come from teaching children to see that someone who is homosexual can also be wise, strong, respected, and loving?

Truly, in the long run, what is more damaging to a child (or a society, for that matter): cultivating tolerance or perpetuating prejudices?

We now return to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

But that’s not even the best part! While I was looking for background on how exactly this blessed holiday began, I stumbled across something even more enjoyable: The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (Yes, you did read that right.) Written as a clever retort for schools being forced to teach intelligent design in science classes, my main attraction to this religion is the witticisms of its creator. Those who belong to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, known as Pastafarians, worship the Spaghedeity and also regard pirates as absolute divine beings (see the tie-in to today’s holiday?).

Furthermore, Pastafarians believe that pirates were actually peace-loving explorers who distributed candy to small children. They have also proved direct causality between the decrease in pirates and the increase in global average temperature (see below).

Personally, I think it’s brilliant. Scientific American compares the satire to Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal. RAmen and RAmen.

So, without any further ado, I present to you the BYU Football Drinking Game. If you’re a BYU student, you can try using milk. Doubtless it’ll prove harder than the gallon challenge, and it’ll give you another explanation for that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.

1 Shot:

• When a ref comes onto the field and says, “False start. Number 74 on the offense. Five yard penalty. Repeat [??] down.”
• BYU’s offense going three-and-out.
• Crappy punts. (Seriously, what is his deal?)

2 Shots:

• Anything along the lines of: “After review, the ruling on the field stands.”
• BYU’s quarterback getting sacked for a loss of yards.
• Missed PATs.

3 Shots:

• Any time a ref throws a flag and says: “Personal Foul. Number [??] on the offense. Fifteen yard penalty. Repeat [??] down.”
• Any time a receiver lets a perfectly catchable ball bounce of his hands. (Add an extra shot if that ball bounces off his hands and is caught by a player on the opposing team.)
• Most fumbles or interceptions (see exceptions below).

Drain the bottle:

• BYU’s QB throws an interception…inside the opponent’s twenty yard line.
• BYU’s quarterback fumbles the football…inside the opponent’s twenty yard line.
• Momentum-draining, game-sacrificing penalties in the fourth quarter.

With all of this happening, where do you devote your time and attention? Do you support efforts to aid the civilians in war-torn Iraq or efforts to support the war-wounded U.S. soldiers and their families? AIDS efforts in Africa or AIDS efforts in the States? Cancer research or cancer patients? Seriously, I could donate my entire net worth to a charity, and it wouldn’t even make a ripple in the overall scheme of things. (Granted, as a twenty-something recent college graduate, my donation wouldn’t be that much.)

But the principle here…what good is one tiny bucket in the face of a hurricane?

Well, it depends on your perspective. One bucket certainly couldn’t have bailed out all of New Orleans. The problem was so big, the idea would be laughable if it wasn’t so serious. However, one bucket could have been used to bring food or fresh water to one of the stranded families. Used repeatedly, it could have been a boon to any number of individuals. Add another bucket and you’ve doubled your capabilities.

And that’s the key, isn’t it? Looking at the world’s problems on a worldwide level, it’s easy to become paralyzed into inaction by the sheer enormity of the suffering. On a worldwide level, it’s difficult to know where to begin and far too easy to talk about problems without actually doing anything about them. However, by getting involved at the individual level—filling that proverbial bucket—and contributing through your actions, you become a committed participant, responding to the world’s tragedies with the clarion cry, “I can’t do everything, but I can do this.”

Tackling the problems on an individual level doesn’t have to require huge individual sacrifices. By making small-level lifestyle changes, you can make a big difference for individuals within the community. Perhaps you choose to help fight hunger by purchasing an extra can of food for the food bank—every time you go grocery shopping. Or maybe you add a race for a cancer patient to your everyday workout routine. Imagine if businesses backed this initiative year-round, with movie theaters offering permanent discounts on tickets with a food donation, realtors offering permanent rate discounts with proof that you volunteered for Habitat for Humanity, and offices permanently giving employees a monthly afternoon off to contribute to a favorite charity.

Perhaps these ideas rub against the grain for some people because, by offering an incentive, they seem to take the selfless aspect out of service. These suggestions aren’t meant to replace the causes that people currently support, nor are they meant to downplay, in any manner, the generosity currently shown by so many members of the community. Rather, they are meant to magnify this generosity by encouraging people to incorporate service into activities they already do. If anything, these suggestions add a thread of generosity to our generally self-centered lives.

Action is always better than inaction. Every tiny light plays a part in dispelling darkness. Happy Labor Day.

Two things. First, on my recent trip to England, several times I found myself saying, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I lived then so I could have seen _________.” Second, I’m always playing mental games with myself. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe it comes from my parents trying to keep me quiet and/or distracted. Regardless of the purpose, I’ll always find myself playing games with words and phrases. Combine those two and you get this post.

To pass the time during one of my many delayed flights, I started thinking of all the creations and conveniences that make it better to be alive now than at any other time. Then I started to alphabetize the reasons, making sure that each letter was represented by a single glorious item. Everything listed below is a result of a careful weighing process conducted in my head during many flightless moments. (Also, really important things like the Church and friends and family aren’t listed because it’s really not fun to have to choose one of those things over another.)

Airplanes
Books
Computers
Denny Crane
Electricity
Fleece
Guitar Hero
Harry Potter (really, did you expect anything else?)
Indoor plumbing (I deliberated on this one for a bit, but I decided I’d have a much harder time going without indoor plumbing than I would without the internet.)
Jeans—especially the ones that are stretchy
Kissing (I know that existed before, but it belongs on the list. Plus I was having a hard time thinking of a k.)
Luggage with wheels that have a 360 degree turning radius. Seriously.
Microwaves (I’d probably starve without them.)
Non-smoking areas
The Office (The doesn’t count in alphabetizing, so my favorite TV show is going here. No battles.)
Photoshop CS3
Quacking Mounds
Restaurants
SCUBA diving
Tampons
Universities (Especially BYU)
Victoria’s Secret
Washing machines
X-Men (Especially Gambit…mmm…)
You-know-who
Zizzer-zazzer-zuzz, as you can plainly see (Thank you Dr. Seuss)
So that’s the list as it stands now. It is, of course, subject to change as much as I’d like. Any suggestions?

But I guess that won’t stop me from reading. Off to chapter 1.